we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
