Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
