So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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