i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
