I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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