you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
