is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
