nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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