I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
