i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
