Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Church boner. Awkwardddd
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
