Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
