Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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