i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
