I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
