A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
