and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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