based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
