I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
