Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
