Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I would ride that face into the sunset
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
