better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
