plz talk dirty to me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
