I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
