My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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