took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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