i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
