i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
