Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
