The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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