Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
