How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
