At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
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