Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
