I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
