Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
