Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
