I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
