i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
