i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
this is an emotional support booty call
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
