spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
sarcasm needs its own font
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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