He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
