There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize