remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
