I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize