I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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