apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
