Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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