That's intense
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
