she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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