"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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