lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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