totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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