Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Buhtt sex?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You have to summon your inner elephant
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
