I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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