My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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