she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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