If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
