I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
