Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
