Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
