Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
