Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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