Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
