His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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