i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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