My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I got inside last night via doggy door
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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