My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.