WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize