he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.