Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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