Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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