His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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