I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
